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Domestic Violence and its Effects on Children

Children living in an environment where domestic violence takes place are the silent victims of abuse; even when they are not the target of the violence. Almost all children are aware of violence taking place in their home, no matter if the incidents of abuse occur when the parents believe that the children are sleeping or out of sight. The children in such households are affected by this violence in many ways, and witnessing domestic violence can cause children to experience and feel, in their own ways, many of the same feelings adult victims do.

Children may experience some or all of the following emotions:

Fear	At fault or responsible for the abuse	Helplessness
Anger	Guilt for loving the abusive parent	Anxiousness
Numbness	Guilt for not protecting abused parent	Sadness
Confusion	Concern about the future	Powerlessness
Insecurity	Fearful of losing a parent

Children are also likely to be traumatized by the violence that they see and/or endure at home, and if not allowed to process their feelings, they may come to some of the following conclusions based on what they observe:

I am not responsible for my disobedient behavior	Women have no rights
I am responsible for my parent’s fights or arguments	My parent (the victim) can’t protect me
Men have the right to control/discipline women	I am never safe and I shouldn’t trust anyone
Using violence to solve problems is OKAY	Domestic violence is normal
The abused parent causes and deserves the abuse by the other parent	I can get what I want by using intimidation
It’s okay for me to abuse my parent too	Other people have the right to abuse me

Children may act out in many different ways when they don’t get the opportunity to express their feelings in a safe and healthy setting. Some children will act out only after they feel safe enough and not afraid of the violent parent (i.e. once a victim leaves the abuser or goes to a shelter). Following are some example of how children might act out:

• Regress: bedwetting, temper tantrums, baby talk
• Re-emergence of childhood fears and/or nightmares or trouble sleeping
• Acting withdrawn or unusually shy, and wanting to be invisible
• They may become overly anxious startling and flinching very easily
• Aggressiveness towards classmates, siblings, pets, or others more vulnerable than them
• Lying, stealing, and fighting
• Verbally or physically abusing the parent who is abused by the other parents
• Striving for perfection
• Taking on too much responsibility for their age (this may be aided by parental pressures)
• Demonstrating inability or refusal to play
• Poor academic performance, drop in grades, and becoming forgetful and careless
• Development of Eating Disorders
• They may become physically ill: stomach aches, nausea, headaches
• Lack of concentration or easily distracted Development of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) symptoms (Some children are incorrectly diagnosed with ADD and prescribed medication for ADD, instead of receiving the counseling and support they really need. Parents or guardians can help by informing counselors/physicians that your child has witnessed DV)

Some of the information on this page was adapted from Meg Crager and Lily Anderson’s Helping Children Who Witness Domestic Violence: A Guide for Parents.